Since our surrogate cancelled with us I am longing for a baby even more. I totally felt like I was on top of the world and then hit rock bottom when she cancelled with us. I am having the hardest time trying to find someone else. I look on the surrogate boards but a lot of the women are not local to us. I really would like to find someone that is at least driving distance for us. I want to be there for the pregnancy. If nothing more go to hear the heartbeat, see if it's a boy or a girl, and do at least four more visits throughout the pregnancy.
My best friend had brought this up years ago and I wasn't ready at that point to give up on my dream of carrying a baby. I asked her about it about a year ago and she said that I should have taken her up on it when she originally asked me. I think I'm going to ask her again. Maybe by chance she will. I don't know. I feel lost. I posted on facebook and didn't get any response.
Anyway, cookie fundraiser starts February 1st and runs through the 16th. Can't wait to see how this goes. I'm very excited about it. We have some of our friends and family helping sell cookies as well.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Surrogate backed out on us
I talked everyday almost with the surrogate. We discussed different issues that we thought about. She wasn't charging anything for the surrogacy, which was wonderful. Her insurance would cover her pregnancy. She did however make comments that were unsettling throughout this process. She stated that she would like to have her mom in the delivery room and not us. I was very upset about this. Waiting all this time to have a baby and not being there to see my child being born. Also, she stated that she would rather not come to the baby shower and for us to bring her a piece of cake back. She only lives 5 minutes away from me so it's not like she couldn't go if she wanted to. I let her know that I had contacted a lawyer and she acted very strange about that. She stated she just thought she could have a baby and we take it home with us. I advised her that the hospital is not going to just let us walk out with the baby. Her name would be on the birth certificate and they would think it's hers. Not to mention all the problems we would have trying to enroll our child in school with her name on the birth certificate. I also advised her that I am new to this process and the lawyer would know what steps to take to make this legal. She finally agreed.
Well on January 24th I woke up to a text message that changed my world. It stated that she was not going to be able to be our surrogate. She said that she is going back to school and doesn't want anything messing that up and also she is not ready emotionally for something this big. I stated that she was the one that offered this and that my husband and I are having a fundraiser to get the money together for this process, we have already told our friends and family about this and started preparing. She said she knows and she's sorry she just can't. Well that entire day I cried. Then my husband cousin called to tell him how to get me pregnant. The time of the month when a woman ovulates. This upset me even more because it's not that we don't know when or how to have sex to have a baby. It's just that it's not happening for us. I try to not let stupid things that people say when they don't understand infertility upset me but this was not the day for me.
Well on January 24th I woke up to a text message that changed my world. It stated that she was not going to be able to be our surrogate. She said that she is going back to school and doesn't want anything messing that up and also she is not ready emotionally for something this big. I stated that she was the one that offered this and that my husband and I are having a fundraiser to get the money together for this process, we have already told our friends and family about this and started preparing. She said she knows and she's sorry she just can't. Well that entire day I cried. Then my husband cousin called to tell him how to get me pregnant. The time of the month when a woman ovulates. This upset me even more because it's not that we don't know when or how to have sex to have a baby. It's just that it's not happening for us. I try to not let stupid things that people say when they don't understand infertility upset me but this was not the day for me.
Our surrogate
My husband and I went over to his mom's house New Years Day and a ex co worker of mine and friend was there at the house with her three month old baby. I held her baby and kept wishing that I could be a parent. She asked me if I had any kids. I told her no. She said "you don't want any." I said "It's not that I don't want any it's just that it hasn't happened for me." She then said that she remembered me talking about that when we worked together and she would be our surrogate. I was very shocked and happy at the same time. My husband and I had been talking about going to India for surrogacy and here was the opportunity with a local woman where we would be able to be a part of the pregnancy. I was over the moon! I made arrangements for us to meet up the next weekend to discuss all of our concerns.
We went over to her house and talked over everything. We discuss our concerns and she discussed hers. Now everyone was on board and ready for this to happen. We new that it wouldn't be until this December or January 2013 because of course we don't have that kind of money laying around but was ready for our journey to start.
We went over to her house and talked over everything. We discuss our concerns and she discussed hers. Now everyone was on board and ready for this to happen. We new that it wouldn't be until this December or January 2013 because of course we don't have that kind of money laying around but was ready for our journey to start.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Our second miscarriage
Again, in June 2011 took another pregnancy test and it was positive. Went to go see Dr. McDonald, the original doctor I had seen before (I love him)! I had another vaginal ultrasound. It showed no baby. We had to wait in the waiting room for a room to come available to talk to the doctor. It was horrible waiting because I was in there with all these people and crying. When we finally got a room I just sat on the table and cried. When the doctor came in he looked and me and looked at my husband. He came over to me and gave me a hug and told me that miscarriages sometimes happen. This is the first time I had heard this (MISCARRIAGE). I thought I just wasn't getting pregnant and these tests were playing games with me by giving me false positives. He had the nurse get me a book on miscarriage. The doctor stated that since I'm getting all of these positives (and it's very rare to get a false positive) that I am having miscarriages and this probably has something to do with my diabetes. He said for me to go see a diabetes specialist and they will come up with a game plan of getting me pregnant and run a bunch of tests on me as far as my hormone levels. Again, I left the office crying. Not because of the doctors bedside manner but because of the miscarriage of course.
First trip to Infertility Doctor
We went to the infertility doctor in April of 2010. They did an vaginal ultrasound on me to check to see if my ovaries looked good. It was very interesting seeing everything on the ultrasound and the doctor said everything looked great with my ovaries and from what they could tell didn't see any problems there. They ordered blood work for me and for me to do a test at the hospital and ordered my husband to have a semen analysis.
I was unable to make the appointment at the hospital to see if my tubes were blocked because the test was expensive even with my insurance.I went and did my blood work the next day and my husband did his analysis a few days later. We couldn't wait for the results and the doctor I had seen the first time was not available so went and saw the other doctor they have at the same practice (big mistake)! Well the doctor said that my husbands tests came back wonderful with 100 million. My husband was of course happy. He didn't have to worry about him having the problem. My blood tests came back that my blood sugar was way to high to carry a pregnancy. I've been diabetic since 2001. The doctor was not supportive and had a horrible bedside manner and gave me no hope so left the office crying.
I was unable to make the appointment at the hospital to see if my tubes were blocked because the test was expensive even with my insurance.I went and did my blood work the next day and my husband did his analysis a few days later. We couldn't wait for the results and the doctor I had seen the first time was not available so went and saw the other doctor they have at the same practice (big mistake)! Well the doctor said that my husbands tests came back wonderful with 100 million. My husband was of course happy. He didn't have to worry about him having the problem. My blood tests came back that my blood sugar was way to high to carry a pregnancy. I've been diabetic since 2001. The doctor was not supportive and had a horrible bedside manner and gave me no hope so left the office crying.
Our first miscarriage
June 2009 while my husband was at the grocery store, I took a home pregnancy test. My husband was unaware that I even had a test or even thought I might be pregnant. I waited the three minutes, like it said on the box and then went and checked and it had two very dark pink lines. When my husband got home from the store I told him to come here and look at something. He walked down the hallway into the bathroom where he saw me holding the pregnancy test. He then ran off into the living room. I told him to come back and look at the test and see if he saw what I did and of course he did. We were happy but scared.
A few days later I took another test. I wanted to confirm that the test was right. On some pregnancy test it would say positive and others would say negative. So, I made an appointment with the doctor for a blood test. The blood test came back negative. We were very disappointment and upset upon hearing that and thought the first test I took must have been wrong. Later, we will find out why.
A few days later I took another test. I wanted to confirm that the test was right. On some pregnancy test it would say positive and others would say negative. So, I made an appointment with the doctor for a blood test. The blood test came back negative. We were very disappointment and upset upon hearing that and thought the first test I took must have been wrong. Later, we will find out why.
The day we got married
Dennis and I went to the justice of the peace on October 21, 2008 and got married. We both wore green (good luck I guess)! We had been together for almost 2 years already and were ready to start our life together as a married couple and looked forward to being parents one day. Today, we have been married for 3 years. It will be 4 this October. We have had our ups and downs (but what couple doesn't).
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